A Letter to My Former, Pregnant Self

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Dear Naïve and Expecting Former Self,

This letter comes to you from a mere few months away. Probably from the time that you sit around and fantasize about... when your son is actually here and not trying to break out of the womb with his black belt karate moves. Let's get a couple of things out of the way. Yes, he is a beautiful, red-headed baby. You were silly to worry about what he would look like because, if we're being honest here, you would love him just as much if he had a third ear growing out of his chest (although hopefully they would remove something like that...).

I'm just going to throw this out there. I know you've heard it from everyone else but all of your vain worries about delivery are ridiculous. Honestly, you don't care what happens or who sees what. All modesty goes out the window. You aren't going to care that your hair is going to be a mess or that you aren't wearing makeup. You don't care if you poop on the table. Really, I swear it's the last thing on your mind. The only think you'll be thinking about is GET THAT BABY OUT.

Also, remember when the doctor said Finn was going to be in the 8 pound range? Yeah? Well, she lied. She lied BIG TIME. Your feet are swelling and your arm is numb all the time because you are carrying a 9 pound giant inside of you. And guess what? He's not coming out the normal way. Good thing you were ok, and even expecting a C-section because that's exactly what's going to happen. By the way, just to be clear, you are not one of those women who find birth to be a beautiful experience. Just throwing that out there so you don't get any ideas in your head.

While we're on the issue of delusions, you are going to have a severe case of the baby blues when you come home. You will cry. All. The. Time. for the first two weeks. You will mourn you old "life" where you and Nathan went out and did whatever you wanted whenever you wanted. Nathan will remind you that you that everything you did before you will still do now... you'll just be carrying a diaper bag instead of a Coach purse and toting around a baby (but let's be honest - it's not like you were living an on-the-go lifestyle to begin with).You will also cry because the dogs look sad (I wish I were kidding, but I'm not...). You will cry because you are tired. You will cry because you have NO IDEA what you are doing. You will cry because Finn is crying. You will go from daydreaming about tropical beach vacations and having millions of dollars to fantasizing about getting 8 uninterrupted hours of sleep - even going so far as to plan it several months in advance and disguising it as your "birthday wish". It is ok. Even though it doesn't feel like it, it will get better. In fact, when you are re-hospitalized for a week with appendicitis four days after bringing Finn home (a story for another day), you will begin to realize how silly you were to not value this new life you've been blessed with. Oh, and that's also around the time your hormones start to level out. That helps tremendously.

This next one is hard to admit. Your bond with your son is not going to be instantaneous. No one tells you that sometimes you don't always see rainbows and butterflies and cutesy little hearts floating around everywhere the moment you lay eyes on your child. You are going to come home from the hospital with him, sit him in his carrier in the living room floor and think, "Now what do I do with this thing?" Then he's going to scream and you will not have a clue how to make him stop. That's when that crying thing I mentioned earlier happens. Rest-assured knowing that you will figure it out, eventually. But one day he's going to be looking at you with his blue eyes and he's going to give you a big, gummy smile, and he'll make his weirdo baby noises. That will be the moment you fall in love with him. That will be the day his cries become easier to deal with, when your patience triples. It also helps when he screams and doesn't stop for anyone but you. :)

Since we're being real, you are going to consider it a successful day if the baby is kept alive and you get to shower and/or brush your teeth. Truth. There are still going to be moments of pure and utter frustration. Like the night you take a shower (success!) and even BLOW DRY your hair, and then Finn pukes right in it ten minutes later. Or the time(s) you drop a diaper poop-face down on the floor... But the thing that makes it all worth it is him. You don't even know what you are getting yourself in to. I mean that in the best and worst ways. We are still rookies at this, but if feeling what we feel now at only six weeks in is any indication of what we're in for, then this parenthood thing is going to be amazing.



Keep your chin up and know that what's coming your way is normal. It gets better.

Love,
Me